Nir Dagan / Spain: 500 Years After

The History of Spain

As told in the oral Spanish tradition.
Translated to English by Nir Dagan.

The History of Spain started by the independence war of the Christians against the Muslim Empire. The war took a lot of time, and during the transition period from Islam to Christianity the Spaniards started developing their culture, which includes the excellent Spanish cuisine. The Spanish cuisine is rich with pork products, because pigs are the only livestock that the Muslims wouldn't steal.

After that, trouble started. Christianity does not allow to take interest on loans from fellow Christians. The problem was solved by taking loans from the Jews. As a result the Jews became filthy rich. The Spanish government decided to get rid of the Jews, in order to redistribute wealth. Because most of the public does not understand simple distribution arguments, the government got some advice from Rome who proposed complicated theological reasoning. Clearly, the theological reasoning was provided only to influence the masses. Christians and Jews actually believe in the same God, as opposed to the Muslims who believe in Allah. So the Spanish government expelled all the Jews. This was a big mistake, as explained below.

In the same year of the expulsion of the Jews, Spain discovered America. Spain brought civilization to America and taught the natives the open-minded and tolerant values of Christianity. By encouraging free trade, both the economies of Spain and America flourished.

During the few hundreds years that followed, Spain went down from being one of the world's richest countries to become a rather poor country. This happend because the previous mistreatment of the Jews by Spain destroyed all the Spanish connections in the world's financial markets.

After all that, we ended up in the twentieth century. While Europe was preparing towards its self destruction, this big disaster fell upon us---the Spanish Civil War. Half a million people were killed in the war. All of them fought against Franco. Franco came to power since he was supported by Nazi Germany, and the USA and the UK did not intervene.

After the World War was over, the USA and the UK restored democracy in Germany and Italy, but continued to support Franco by "playing neutral." Eventually, the democracy-striving masses of Spain killed Franco of old age, and five years later held the first democratic elections since the thirties.

Now Spain is back to its old open-minded and tolerant self, and is a part of the European Union. The European Union is an experssion of harmony and peace: many different people maintain their cultural and linguistic differences while having a fully integrated economy.

Now everything is just fine except for two small problems. The Basques and the Catalans. The Basques speak a language very different from all other languages, and it could be that it is an artificial language that they invented in order to be different. The Catalans insist speaking Catalan, which is a funny mixture of Spanish, French, and Italian. These two groups do not understand that lack of communication due to the use of different languages may produce a great economic damage.

Copyright © 1997-2017 by Nir Dagan / Contact information / Written and published July 20, 1997.